I Forgive You

I forgive you.

The most powerful words we have in our hearts.  They embody Love in its most defining and intimate moment.  Forgiveness is Love – the most powerful, the essential energy of life – and with three simple words, “I forgive you,” we can experience and share the absolute of Love.  Fear is the only antagonist of Love.  It is the only thought process that obstructs us from experiencing Love and prevents us from forgiving others and moving on.  We create our own thoughts, so it is our own will to exist in Love or to live in fear.

February 2, 2010, my daughter was diagnosed with autism.  My husband was in Afghanistan fighting in a war.  I was home raising a teenage stepdaughter and a six-year-old son.  I was scared.  I felt alone.  It was my job to fight for my daughter’s educational rights because our school district did not have an appropriate autism program.  I also learned that our military insurance, TRICARE, did not cover autism treatments for our military children and that made me very angry.  So I fought everybody.  I spent many years fighting.  I blamed the district that would not educate my daughter.  I blamed TRICARE for not caring for military children.  I blamed government for not working.  I blamed families for not speaking up.  I blamed society for not being aware.  As you can imagine, it was exhausting and it took all of my energy just to survive all of that fighting.  There were good moments in between, of course.  I loved my children and husband, of course.  We had good times, of course.  But I was not focused on those.  I was focused on attacking those who had done my family and my daughter an injustice. I lived in constant fear of losing.

December 31st, 2013, I received a letter in the mail from the State of Connecticut Department of Education stating that our complaint against our school district had been satisfied and after several months, it was now closed.  Another fight was over.  On January 6, 2014, (ironically on Epiphany) we went to our yearly Individualized Education Plan (IEP) meeting at our daughter’s autism school and without any fuss, signed an agreement for another year of excellent programming where she is making progress and she is thriving.  Another fight was over.

So there was only one thing left for me to do, Friends.

This is my gift to you.  I am sharing with you what was the most intimate act of Love I have ever committed and I pray that you will find this same Love in your heart and mind in your life, too:

I forgive you

I sent a note each to the Special Education Director and Outplacement Supervisor in our district that I have been “fighting” for over five years.  Because I had to learn that advocating for my daughter didn’t mean it had to be a war.  Oh, I will always get her what she needs, but I will do so in the name of Love, not in angry energy spent on people who make their own choices.  I choose me.  I choose Love.  Forgiving does not lay me in harm’s way to be victim, but rather it places me in a position to never fall victim again. Love is letting go

Thanks to this book, Love is Letting Go of Fear, I am free.  I am living my life with Love and I am no longer in fear.  Of anything.  Or anyone.

I have learned the greatest lesson life has to teach us:  With every action, with every word, first ask yourself, “Am I doing this for Love?”  If not, my Friends, do not waste your time.  Love yourself first, forgive yourself first.  Recognize that the person in front of you is made of the same screwy stuff as you and we’re all just trying to get a little Love around here.

Don’t be afraid anymore.

I love you.

Rachel

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About Rachel Leslie (formerly Kenyon)

Rachel Leslie (formerly Kenyon) is an Aspie, Advocate and mom of two beautiful babes - The Boy (10) and RM (8). The Boy is a Legomaniac and RM is a kick-ass diva with Autism and 4q Deletion Syndrome. View all posts by Rachel Leslie (formerly Kenyon)

6 responses to “I Forgive You

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